His name was Randy and he was a 1 1/2-lb. crustacean. I first met him at Dorfler’s Meat Market when he was handed to me in styrofoam box lid filled with newspaper and seaweed. On the way home, we discussed our childhoods, our hopes, our dreams. We even talked about a possible trip to Sea World. “Sometime next summer,” I assured him. We became close friends during that 15-minute drive from the butcher shop to my apartment. Then, after bringing him inside, I stabbed him in the head with a kitchen knife.
I have never felt so guilty as I did today. I have never intentionally taken a living creature (other than a bug) and quashed out its life before. Doing it in such a violent manner made it even more traumatizing, but a knife to the brain is the most humane way to kill a lobster. The guys at the butcher shop tried to convince me to just cook him alive, but I was not going to let Randy die a slow, painful death.
I think it took me about 20 minutes to psych myself up enough to finally kill him, and there was lots of screaming and squealing involved (on my part- not Randy’s). When it was all over, his body still moved for a few more seconds, which made me scream even louder. Once I actually cut him in half, though, I knew he had ascended to lobster heaven.
After halving the lobster (or should I say Randy?), I baked it in the oven for 15 minutes at 400 degrees. When it was done baking, I removed the cooked meat from its tail and claws. Then, using this recipe, I started on a creamy white wine sauce to combine with the meat. The sauce was made up of chicken stock (I couldn’t find any fish stock), heavy cream, white wine, shallots, butter, lemon juice, parsley, and spicy mustard. I let it thicken, then combined it with the lobster meat.
When I took the lobster out of the oven, the cheese was bubbling and it looked absolutely divine. I added a little bit of sauteed spinach to a plate and served up my lobster! How was it? I think a real chef would probably say that the subtle and elegant flavor of the lobster was covered up by the creamy sauce and mounds of cheese, but I’m not a real chef. I’m more or less an idiot on the street. In my mind, anything with cream and cheese and butter tastes ridiculously good, and this was no exception. I thought the white wine sauce was indulgently amazing, and it paired so well with the huge, juicy chunks of lobster. I especially liked how the spicy mustard gave the sauce a bit of a bite; that prevented it from being a one-note cream sauce. The whole thing was just awesome, and it wasn’t overly heavy, either. It was just enough to fill me up and make me sigh with delight.
Wowza. Randy, you were delicious. This was one of the most expensive meals I have ever made for myself ($40!), but I think it was worth it in the end. I ate like a queen today and that’s always a fun feeling. Now, let us all have a moment of silence for Randy, who selflessly gave up his life for this blog. Thanks, dude. You rock.